Monday, February 9, 2009

It Doesn't Seem Like You're Coming

Lauren has said this to me several times recently. For example, a few days ago:

Lauren: Mommy, come see what I made.
Me: Okay, just a sec.
Lauren: Mommy, come seeeeeee.
Me: I'm coming.
[Long pause as I do not stop what I am doing and head toward her room]
Lauren: It doesn't seem like you're coming.

Given that she's three, I found it pretty cute. She's three-going-on-twenty, so I am often surprised by the phrases she uses.

The more I think about this one, though, the more I realize how much I can relate.

David and I, as you've heard ad nauseum, are in the process of moving to Pennsylvania. Or trying to, anyway. First David had to find a job. Check. Then we had to sell our house. Took awhile, but check. Now we have to find a place to live. No check yet.

I believe very strongly that God has directed our hearts toward this small town in the Allegheny Mountains. I have felt His Spirit stirring in me a sense of hope and excitement that I never dreamed possible. Six years ago the thought of moving there caused only fear and trepidation and more than one bout of hyperventilation.

But, God proved faithful. He kept us here just long enough for doctors to save my life. He provided a job for David just when it became clear that he needed to get out of the job he was in. He brought a buyer for our house at exactly the right moment.

And, now here we sit; Ready to close on the sale of this house in less than four weeks, but with no home to which to move. I find myself thinking like Lauren. "God, it doesn't seem like You're coming."

I am continually amazed by how my spiritual perception shifted when I became a parent. It's like God took my own spirit out of me, put skin on it, and called it my child. So many of the things my kids say and do are exact expressions of my inward spirit.

They whine. They're ungrateful. They worry. They forget the good and dwell interminably on the bad. They have no idea how big the world they live in really is. They are self-centered. They want it their way, and they want it now.

Sounds just like me. When will I learn? God is not only coming; He's been here all along.