Tuesday, October 27, 2009

You might be at our house if . . .

I have spent the day getting my house ready for company.

Granted it's family, but still it's probably best not to have them show up to two-day old pb&j spots on the kitchen floor, piles of clean laundry on the sofa, and a dress-up bin that looks like it formed some kind of suicide-bomb pact with the transformers bucket wherein they blew themselves up in the playroom . . . which, unfortunately, also happens to be the guest room.

I know, it sounds too good to be true, right? It's sort of like Disneyland. But not.

But, seriously, life as a house-guest in a home with more kids than adults doesn't have to be all bad. If you're ever a guest at my house, here are a few pieces of advice I hope will make your stay as stress-free as possible:

1. Yes, those are dinosaur sheets on your bed, but hey, at least they're clean dinosaur sheets. That's more than I can say for my own bed.

2. If you're looking for 27-grain whole wheat bread and chickpeas in the pantry, don't fret. Just look behind the juice boxes, Spiderman mac-n-cheese, and graham crackers shaped like bumblebees. You'll find them.

3. Be careful getting out of bed during the night. Your room is also the playroom which houses approximately six billion and five tiny leggos. They hurt when you step on them, so I recommend using a night light. And shoes.

4. Don't be a towel snob. A piece of terrycloth is a piece of terrycloth, and if it happens to be shaped like a butterfly, it will still get you dry.

5. If you plan to sleep in, I recommend earplugs. Made by NASA.

6. Check the toilet seat before you sit down. I have boys. If they didn't put the seat down, don't worry, it could be worse. It could mean that they never lifted the seat, in which case there was almost definitely major splashage. Just check the seat.

I hope these tips will make your stay as relaxing as if you'd won an all-expenses paid cruise to Atlantis with a stop at day spa on the way and a wine-tasting on the way back.

If not, feel free to ask for a full refund.


Lenae said...

Um, the title sort of freaked me out. Gee, I wonder what my last name is? ;) (I was like, "Wait... What?!")

This post was awesome awesome awesome. #5 is my favorite- Where can I get some of those? And I may love the bee-shaped graham crackers more than my children do.

beck'sthree said...

Lenae, in all the time I've had this blog, I've never put our last name on here and didn't even realize I did! Oops. So funny that it's the same as yours.

This Heavenly Life said...

You make me laugh so much! I often wonder if childless people notice that one side of my dishes cabinet is devoted to plastic, jewel-toned, bubbly-shaped dishes? Or that we have 7 boxes of cereal and 4 varieties of crackers? Or that they are allowed to remove the potty seat if they'd like to use the restroom at our house? It must be feel like visitors are in a twilight zone when they visit.

I wouldn't mind those nasa earplugs, too :)