Thursday, April 23, 2009

Be careful what you wish for

Nine days. That's how long it's been since I had my eagerly-anticipated, bank-breaking surgery. I've been hopeful that once the swelling goes down and the tenderness subsides, it will be better. Or at least not worse than it started.

But, I'm starting to have my doubts. I fear I have traded one painful deformity for a different, highly expensive, painful deformity. True, the knot I started with is gone . . . but, now there is another, even more obvious knot. A protrusion of cartilage that, for reasons unbeknownst to me, cannot seem to be fixed. It seems simple enough to me: it sticks out; cut it off.

I was thinking about this tonight while in the midst of a torrent of pain brought on by a sneeze. (Seriously, I have a freakin' cold, and I am on the verge of tears just thinking about sneezing again. Benadryl, take me away.) It occurred to me that my physical state is not unlike my spiritual one.

When I yield myself to my Creator's perfect will, I surrender all control over the means He utilizes to accomplish His purposes. I may ask for a burden - a thorn in my flesh, a painful protuberance, if you will- to be removed, but I do not know what He has in mind for its removal. It may be, and I suspect usually is, painful. The result may not look like what I had planned. It may be something completely unexpected. It may be quite costly. It may - to the world - seem ugly and jagged and wrong. But in my Master's hands, I can trust that His purposes will be not only be accomplished, they will work for my good.

But, still, it'd be nice if it didn't hurt.

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