Update: So far he's still here

Of course, I'm referring to the dog. The other three "he's" in the house have pretty much secured tenure.

Here's the list of reasons the dog should probably be gone by now:
1. He continues to think the hall is his own personal latrine.
2. He can jump on counters.
3. He jumped on said counter last night and absconded with our pot roast. (No, I am not making this up. He had to be chased around the living room to get it back so we could have dinner. Okay, I'm kidding about the having dinner part. Fortunately, it was after we had eaten, but still . . . there WAS half a roast left, and it was going to be tonight's dinner!)
4. He whines and barks like a psycho every time I leave the house. The vet said he can prescribe doggie Xanax. Leave it to me to pick the dog who would need Xanax.
5. He likes to eat Star Wars characters. He seems particularly fond (or just the opposite, depending on how you look at it) of Darth Vader. He has no legs and only one remaining arm. Sort of like in Revenge of the Sith, only he's already in the whole Vader getup.
6. Did I mention the hall?

Reasons I have not gotten rid of the dog:
1. Joshua
2. Ethan
3. Lauren

Yeah, I know. The first list is longer, so it wins. Right?