I should keep a tape recorder in my van

It's where the kids and I seem to have the best conversations.

While we were in the car yesterday I told the kids that they would each be allowed to pick out a new Christmas ornament when we go to Buffalo in a couple of weeks. I reminded them that each year we mark the ornaments that belong to each of them so when they grow up and move out someday, they will have a collection of ornaments.

Joshua: Do we have to use our own money?
Me: No, I buy you each an ornament every year.
J: So by the time I'm in my 20's and move out, I'll have that many ornaments?
Me: Yes, you should have more than 20 by then.
J: Alright! Then I'll never have to spend my own money on an ornament . . . until I have kids. I guess they'll want new ones.
Lauren: I don't want to have kids.
Me: You don't want to have a baby someday?
Lauren: I want a baby, just not a kid.
Me: Well, babies grow into kids. Look at you guys. I had three babies, and you all got so big.
Lauren: Do mommies have to change baby's diapers?
Me: Yes, mommies do change a lot of diapers.
Josh: I'm glad dads don't have to change diapers!
Me: Oh, yes they do. Your daddy changed a lot of your diapers.
J: I'm not changing diapers. I'll just stay at work all day.
Me: What about when the baby needs to be changed at night?
J: Well, some people work until like midnight, don't they?
Me: Yes, but then you wouldn't get to see your wife and baby very much. Wouldn't you miss them?
J: I'll just come home when the baby's three.