Why I cannot homeschool

I remember when Joshua was two and I naively thought that, one day, as he got older, the questions would end. I was wrong.

The following conversation took place on a car ride yesterday during which we were talking about wanting to climb Mt. Everest some day:

Josh: Mom, could a really, really fat person climb Mt. Everest?

Me: Probably not, because you have to be in really good shape to climb such a big mountain.

And because if he scraped a really sharp rock, it might poke a hole and he would shrink?

Um, no. An overweight person is not full of air like a balloon . . . it's fat.

Mom, I wish that could happen so I could be really, really, REALLY fat and then poke a hole in myself and fly up through the air like when you let the air out of a balloon and it goes all over the place.

Yes, that does sound fun.

Mom, do you think if I was as big as 100 trees and was full of air and you poked a hole in me, I would fly up as high as the top of Mt. Everest?

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So, really, how does one answer such a question? I am not a stupid person but must plead ignorance on the force created by the release of air in a person the size of 100 trees. I'm pretty sure we never addressed that scenario in physics.

This is why I don't do homeschool.

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. It's starting to dawn on me that my kids are not going to grow up as Southerners. This morning Lauren asked me if she could watch a particular show, and I said, "I reckon." Her response: "Mommy, does that mean yes?" Surely if she had lived in the South for more than three short years, she would know this.

2. When I was putting the boys to bed a few nights ago I asked Joshua if anyone in his class talked about having crushes on other kids. (I read something about this the other day, and it got me curious.) He said yes they do.
"A has a crush on C."
"Really?" I asked. "And do you have a crush on anyone?"
"Blech!!! No!!!!" (much to Mommy's immense happiness)
"Have you heard of anyone having a crush on you?"
"Yes. M, A, J, D . . ."
I interrupted him. "All of those girls have crushes on you?! How do you know this?"
"Because they tell everyone."

I have to admit he's awfully cute, but still I was happy when he told me that he does not like any of the girls and that he's never getting married. Fine by me. :)

3. Lauren bought herself a new Webkinz pet yesterday. Because my kids are like the U.S. Congress when it comes to money . . . if they have it they must spend it, and they must find a way to spend more than they have.

So, she picks out this adorable peacock:



Pretty, no? She decided to name her "something beautiful that starts with P." She eventually settled on Penelope Paris Peacock. "That is a really pretty name, Lauren," I told her, and she replied (of course), "And she has really awesome fighting skills!"

What could be more important in a pretty pink and purple peacock?

4. I think I am a hazard to my health. I don't know how it happens, but I have an impressive ability to hurt myself in ways no one else would ever think of.

Today as I was eating lunch, which is apparently something I need to practice, I cut the top of my mouth on the corner of a corn chip. David was walking by as I said, "Ow!" He commented that he hears me say "Ow!" almost every time he walks through the room. "Well, stop walking through the room," is what I thought, but what I said was, "I can't help it. I cut my mouth on a chip."

He didn't seem to understand how that can happen. Which leaves me little hope that he's going to understand how I hurt my finger when I misjudged the dimensions of the door frame and smacked my hand up against it in such a way that it caused my diamond ring to press against my knuckle and actually break the skin. Ouch.

Or how I hurt the outside of my arm by scraping it on the nail that sticks out of the wall on the stairs. Again. So what? I don't know how I manage to lean against the wall every time I walk up or down the stairs. Apparently, I need guardrails.

5. Lauren's preschool class had their Valentine's Day party on Monday. Here are some pictures to fill up another QT.









6. I really must figure out an easy way to make a collage so I can put multiple pictures together. (In case you didn't know what collage meant.) Anyone have tips for me? (Lenae? How about you? I know you do this and have absolutely nothing better to do with your time right now, lol.)

7. Hope you all have a fantastic weekend. And check out more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

Photo update: the lazy blogger's best friend

So, here's what we've been up to since I last updated with photos.

Lauren's preschool had "Crazy Hair Day:"



We've had a lot of snow and ice the past month. Shocking, I know. (For perspective on this snow pile, see the top of the stop sign barely sticking over the mound.)



Who needs to hang Christmas light icicles when you can have the real thing?



Next on our list of 101 uses for icicles . . . swords



. . . and popsicles . . .



Shadow has become sort of trustworthy upstairs lately, so Lauren loves playing in her room with him. He's makes a great sous chef.



Isn't he cute when he's not destroying our home?



Joshua's cub scout pack had their Pinewood Derby wherein they build cars out of, um, I don't know . . . pinewood? . . . and then race them in a nail-biting, exhilarating series of races. (Sadly, Josh was the only one there not in uniform. How did it not occur to me that he should wear his uniform? Oops.)

59 things I love about my mom

In honor of my mom's 59th birthday, 59 things I love about her:
(Disclaimer: the following list is in no particular order and lacks parallel structure.)

1. Her undying devotion to her family
2. Her tenacity
3. All the times I found her sitting on the sofa in the little living room with her coffee and her Bible
4. Her willingness to get in the trenches
5. That she went on every field trip
6. That said field trips included driving all the way around the state of GA with a van full of 7th and 8th grade students . . . I bow in awe
7. The way she stepped up and created a youth group when we were teenagers
8. How she opened our home to our friends
9. That she got involved in everything we did growing up
10. Her willingness to let part of our yard be turned into a swamp for mud wrestling
11. How she's met with the same three women to pray for her children for the past 21 years
12. That she'd rather cut off her arm than miss a phone call
13. Her presence with me during the birth of all of my children
14. That I know she'd do absolutely anything to help me
15. The way she stayed at my house for a few nights when I came home with each of my babies even though we lived in the same town
16. How she let me live on her couch when I could barely function from morning sickness
17. Her love for her children
18. Her love for my children
19. Her love for my dad
20. How she models a great marriage
21. Her inability to sit quietly in the passenger seat of a car
22. That she has become willing to sit in the back seat with a book instead of in the front where we might kill her
23. That she continued to let me drive as a teenager after all of the things I backed into or rear-ended
24. That she loved my friends and loved having them around
25. Letting us take friends with us on family trips to the beach
26. Taking us so many places when we were growing up
27. That she always mispronounces the word "prescription"
28. Her aversion to change . . . at least that never changes
29. The way she would stop at Burger King to get me and Jen a chicken sandwich after we'd had her paged at the grocery store
30. How she regularly left money at a grocery store so that a poor family we knew could buy groceries
31. How she did this so discreetly that I didn't know about it until I was much older
32. Her generosity
33. The way she loves to give gifts
34. How she forgives
35. That she has been to my house in Pennsylvania five times since I moved here less than two years ago
36. That she took care of Joshua so I could work part-time when he was a baby
37. The way she made "helping with her grandchildren" her priority
38. All the times she met me in a parking lot so she could sit with the kids in the car and I didn't have to drag three kids (ages 3 and under) into a store with me
39. Her love of Country's salads and unsweet tea
40. That we love to go to movies together
41. The ways she says almost every movie in the world "started out a little slow"
42. How she can't help commenting on movies as we watch them and still loves me if I yell at her for it
43. What a loyal friend she is
44. That she gets me a chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream cake from Brusters for my birthday every year
45. Her love of reading - I'm sure I have her to thank for mine
46. That she was a stay-at-home mom and never gave us the impression that she was missing out on anything else
47. For sticking up for me
48. For being my biggest fan and cheerleader
49. How I knew she was praying for me during every law school final exam
50. For reading my blog and telling everyone else to :)
51. The way she admits her mistakes and gave us the freedom to do so
52. That she rearranged her schedule to stay in Pennsylvania when Ethan had a bike accident
53. That she sat by my bedside and took care of me after my surgery
54. How she allowed my boys to move in with her afterward while I was recovering
55. Her tirelessness
56. The way she can never sneeze only once . . . I inherited that, too
57. Her strength of character
58. How she taught me by example
59. THAT SHE IS THE BEST MOM IN THE WORLD!!

Happy birthday mom. You're my hero, and I love you.

Creative thinking from a 6 year-old boy

My kids and I often pass time in waiting rooms and such by playing the "animal alphabet game." You go through the alphabet one letter at a time and when it's your turn you describe an animal that starts with that letter.

Ethan's description for the letter E: "It's big and gray, and if it was in a butt-fight, it would win." (In case you can't figure it out, the answer was "elephant.")

A butt-fight. No mention of a trunk. Or ridiculously large ears. Or a love of peanuts or enormous feet.

Just a butt-fight.

I've decided I want Ethan on my team next time we play Taboo.