This morning God spoke to my heart in a way that carried me from despair to hope in a moment. It was a moment I've been waiting for, praying for, desperate for. But, I'll be honest, mostly just waiting.
I've sung my way through many a worship service over the past year, and it's been a struggle. It's been auto-pilot participation, wanting to connect with my Savior but feeling like my words were just empty and that the fog between me and the joy and the victory about which I was singing was too thick. There was too much disconnect, and it wasn't "helping."
But still I sang.
Today, God spoke to my heart in a way I have not experienced in a long time, and I am breathless with thankfulness and joy at having heard His precious, but long silent, voice.
Wanna know what He said? (If you were there, you already know, so sorry about the repeat.)
He said, "Dear child, sometimes you can stand on mountain tops and shout that you are an OVERCOMER! Other times, you can barely crawl through the valley and whimper it. That doesn't make it any less true. Truth is absolute, and it is not changed by your circumstances. Was I any less the Son of God when I cried and sweated tears of blood in the garden than when I walked on water and raised the dead to life? I AM WHO I AM regardless of my circumstance, and you my child are an overcomer because I have said you are. So, if all you can do is crawl, and cry, and whisper it through your tears, that's okay . . . it's still true."
There was more.
He said, "I am your firm foundation. You have been crushed down by the enemy. I have seen. You have despaired and felt like you were so deep in the pit that you may never find your way out. But, my child, I am your firm, unshakeable, unmovable foundation, and YOU CANNOT SINK LOWER THAN YOUR FOUNDATION. You are okay because I am holding you up. Your despair will not overtake you because I AM HOLDING YOU."
As if that wasn't enough, God then delivered a sermon through a guest minister that was titled, "When You've Reached the End of Your Rope, You Haven't Reached the End of Hope." If I could get a copy of it in every one of your hands I would; it was that good. It spoke to my soul, and it healed me.
I am okay.
I thought today of friends I know who go to Universalist churches because they like the idea of connecting with other people, of affirming each other, and singing uplifting songs about shiny, happy, encouraging things. And I felt so sad for them. Because there is no Foundation there. There is no Truth. When the shiny, happy fades away, and the bottom falls out from under them, there is nothing to stand on.
But for a child of the most high God, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, there is a Foundation, and no matter how low I sink, I am held. I am secure. I am loved. I am His. And I am okay.
Even if I can only whisper it for now.
Below is a video of one of my favorite and most-listened-to songs. (Hope it works. If not, it's "I Have a Shelter in the Storm" by Sovereign Grace Music.)
